No Title? Seriously.

We interrupt regularly scheduled programming to bring you this special presentation. If you’re new or you missed Part One of "I’ve Been Tagged and I’m a Doofus Completely Incapable of Coming Up with Decent Wholesome Notions from Prompts", read this.

Up to speed now?

Welcome to Part B of

"I’m Too Stupid to Say Thanks"
Warning! This post contains GRAPHIC PHOTO

C – Cell Phones & Court TV
We’re on the Darlings cell phone plan. I love court TV shows
and I’m hoping that downloading 42 games, 117 ringtones
and going waaaay over my allotted minutes
will get me some face time with Judge Christina.
I bet Darling SIL didn’t even know I could get T.V.

on this phone.
Who’s paying for this?
D – Demographics
The commercials that air during court TV shows
make me think the majority of the viewing audience is
NOT middle-aged, middle-class, educated post-graduate,
happily-married, financially secure and watching-just-for-fun.
E – Edisto Island, Energy, Exercise
Less than 80 days.
I need more.
Precisely.
F – Foot

G – Girls, Grace, Green
All.
Only.
Hardly Ever.
(It is my favorite color though.)
H – Hyperosmia
I swear to blog I’ve got Hyperosmia.
-- noun Pathology.
an abnormally acute sense of smell.
Mr Savant says it’s Hyp-o-chondria,
but he just says that because for him it’s a Big Doctor Word,
when in truth he’s never even played Doctor.
Hyperosmia is superhuman osmia, and I have that.
Everything.
Smells.
I – Idiot
This is how I feel at concerts.
I’m not much of a concert goer.
I’ve been to a few and I’ve suffered.
I’ve committed to see Anberlin in May.
I love Anberlin and I’ll be happy to see the Darlings,
but when we get to the concert, there I’ll be.
With two 20-something concert-savvy hotties.
Yes they are. They’re both Gloriously Good-Looking.
And Cool. And Savvy.
And I'm 40-something Savant with a flat butt
and sideburns.
Third Wheel. Idiot.
They’ll probably mosh.
And whether that means necking
or crash-dancing...
I am clueless.
I’ll be the Third Wheel Idiot,
which is way worse
than Ordinary Idiot Who Belongs THERE, Just Not WITH. The. Couple.
At concerts I become Ricky Bobby,
I'm not really sure what to do with my hands.
J – Jo
My first middle name. Mom was a Big Fan of Petticoat Junction.
These days I change my middle name every day.
Every single day I select a new middle name.
Seriously. For Years.
K – the letter K
The letter that stumps me
when playing Scattergories
and the cue is “Girl’s Name”.
This letter sucks
when playing Scrabble too.
It stumps me even here.
L – Leukemia, Loneliness, Lake
More specifically; Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia.
My 3-year-old daycare kid has it.
His immune system is wrecked by chemo. We go nowhere.
We used to spend every Tuesday at the lake.
We have a friend with a lake house.
We'd Lounge.
We'd take Lunch.
I’m seriously Lamenting what A.L.L. will do to our Lake Days.
M – Miss Kelly

As in Miss Kelly’s House of Torture Daycare.
N – Note
Five-year-old Darling was up early for Saturday morning cartoons.
The cat had been sick on the stairs,
so she left a map outside my bedroom door to warn me.
She’d drawn the stairway, the hallway and banister.
Arrows pointed to a Big X labeled, “Cat Puck.”
O – Opinionated
I am, but since my opinions are always supported by fact, why be shy?
Be reasonable people. I’m only trying to help.
P – PEE
Idiot Brother told me urine would cure
a fungal infection.
I won’t go into humiliating details.
Suffice it to say I'm not as flexible
as I used to be,
and the ordeal bolstered my confidence
in orthodox medicine.
Q – Queer
WHAT do women find appealing about Adam Lambert
on American Idol?
Drama Queen Girlishness aside,
did he learn makeup application
at a funeral home?
Adam; wash.
And Paula; he's not interested.
Trust me.
And it's not Your Age that makes it so.
R – Rheumatoid Arthritis/Rheumatologist
Hate one. Love the other.
S - Start Seeing Motorcycles
I will, when they’re cars.
T – TMobile
We went with TMobile because I’m afraid of the Verizon guys.
You can't take a Verizon phone in the bathroom.
U – USP Marion
Opened in 1963 especially for the purpose of
housing inmates from Alcatraz.
Decades later became the discipline center for
the Bureau’s worst element.
(Think detention for life sentence inmates.)
That population was the dumbest of the dumb violent criminals.
If only.
Now converted to mid-level security and housing the guys
that need Special Protection in every other institution;
rapists, pedophiles, wife-beaters,
child abusers and homosexuals.
V – Vomit
While rushing out the door I found that the cat had puked.
I didn’t. Have. Time.
I Seriously Considered grabbing the dog,
and introducing HIM to the pile.
W – Wipe
Our dog has a reservoir bunghole. It’s wipe it or wear it.
X – Xray
Every single part of my body.
I was xrayed before I was born.
Y – Yadier Molina
Catcher for the St. Louis Cardinals
Z - Zac Efron
The reason God made cougars.