Who Will Speak for Dora?

Despite my flippant remarks about “Torture Daycare”; I’m genuinely concerned about children’s issues. I think Child Protective Services should be examining the situation at Nickelodeon and their portrayal of Dora Marquez.

Don’t get me wrong; I hate myopic Dora and her bulbous cranium. I’ve long argued that the child needs an inside voice.
But then I listened…

Dora clearly needs orbital decompression surgery and a shunt. Why is she not getting medical treatment she so desperately needs?
How can American parents just blithely allow their kids to watch this girl who’s so obviously neglected?

It’s not just the untreated cranial-facial anomalies that I find alarming.
Dora is five years old. She regularly travels far from home in the company of unusual characters. She’s involved in life-threatening situations on a daily basis.
Where are her parents? And where does Nickelodeon’s responsibility lie?

Where is the uproar a la "Humpty Dumpty was pushed!" America?

Herein lies the eye-opening truth; “Dora the Explorer” is loaded with thinly-veiled criminal activities and gang recruitment techniques aimed at your toddler.

Let’s examine Dora’s closest friends.

Boots the Monkey is her constant companion and the most heavily involved/invested in her successful grooming.
Departure is not an option should she come out from under the influence of cactus-based hallucinogens and want to quit. Boots’ job is to guarantee her commitment.
Look closely and you can see the faint trace of Boots’ neck tat in several episodes. The heavily ornate font reads, “Blood in. Blood out.”

It has long been suspected that Swiper the Fox’s alleged thievery is a cover. Evidence indicates that under that mask is a dirty cop. He’s on the take to keep Dora and her posse one step ahead of the law.

The Grumpy Old Troll blatantly sings the well-known gang initiation anthem, “If you wanna come over, all you have to do is this…”
What’s NOT so well-known is that Grump is a registered pedophile. (What's doubly disturbing is that he’s nude in every scene.)

“The Fiesta Trio” only shows up when Dora succeeds (read; when Dora scores. They come around to smoke her weed.)
They are Dora's eyes and ears on the street.

It is widely known that Backpack has a long history of run-ins with la policía in Mexico. During contract negotiations he reportedly dared Nick to “find a better source” by deriding his line, “Anything that you might need I got inside for you...”

King Bobo is in real-life the portly stoner Jack Black. He works with the Map as the brains behind the organization.
Rumor has it that “Map” is the pseudonym for creator Eric Wiener, who doesn’t like his given name for obvious reasons.

Isa the Iguana is a sadistic pyromaniac.

Tico the Squirrel is a car thief and expert lock-picker.

I have it on good authority that Benny the Bull demanded a sizable bonus before he agreed to shorten his hit man moniker, “Benny the Killer Bull Who’s a Hired Killer Who Kills for Money by Being Paid to Kill.”

Now let's look at the program’s subject matter.
Nick’s own episode titles and synopses are poorly-disguised proof of their perversion and lawlessness.

In "Dora's First Trip" Dora recounts when she first met Boots and the rest of her friends.
A summary of Dora’s first ACID trip.

In "Yes We Can!" AKA "To the Monkey Bars" Dora's never been able to get all the way across the monkey bars at Play Park.
Boots watched from below.

In "The Magic Stick" Dora and Boots find a magic stick.
A syringe full of smack.

In "The Super Silly Fiesta" The Big Red Chicken is hosting a Super Silly Fiesta but the cake is missing.
I thought it said “Super Filthy Siesta.” I got nothing.

In "Pablo's Flute" Dora and Boots set off to return Pablo's magical flute and reverse a devastating drought.
All about Pablo’s Tokerator and raging cottonmouth.

In "The Chocolate Tree" Dora and Boots seek the Chocolate Tree and a gift for Abuela.
This was Nick’s Tommy-esque attempt to further indoctrinate the Yo Gabba Gabba crowd.

In "El Coqui" Dora and Boots find a frog who has lost its voice.
Shortly after wrap it was discovered that the Dart Frog had been licked to death by cast members.

In "Grandma's House" Dora and Boots endeavor to bring a basket of treats to Abuela.
Originally titled “Grandma Cooks.” Dora delivered beakers and ingredients to make crank.

In "Big River" Boots loses his boot in the river. Together with Dora, they must pursue the boot before it reaches the waterfall.
Successfully traversing the Rio Grande.

In "Hic-Boom-Ohhh" Dora and Boots set off to investigate the source of a funny sound, Hic-Boom-Ohhh.
Cameo appearance by R. Kelly.

In “Isa's Unicorn Flowers" Dora and Isa help a unicorn return to his home at the end of the rainbow with some unicorn flowers from Isa's garden.
Trafficking opium poppies.

The following innuendos need no explanation.
In "The Happy Show" AKA "The Happy Old Troll" Dora and Boots look for things that make the Grumpy Old Troll happy, so he'll do his happy dance.
In "Click" Dora and Boots snap photographs for a contest.
In "WizzleWishes" Dora and Boots help a Wizzle recover his lost wishes.
In "Jobs, Jobs, Jobs" Dora and Boots try out different jobs.
Nickelodeon is shameless.

Dora’s susceptibility to body lice became a running joke with the crew during the second season. They made light of her repeated affliction in episodes titled, "Baby Crab", and "Bugga Bugga".

The blatant mistreatment of their child and their seeming disinterest in her well-being reflect poorly on the Marquez’s.
Their infrequent appearances reveal they’re interested primarily in the WIC checks and food stamps.

Listen to the child people! Dora’s perpetual outside voice isn’t just annoying. It’s a cry for help.