I don’t believe in “Acquired Tastes.”
What’s it supposed to mean exactly?
What’s it supposed to mean exactly?
I think it’s most often borne of pretense, but it’s some d*mn fine irony that forces Pretentious Man to consume something disgusting in the name of I’m-Better-Than-You.
How the H do you Acquire a Taste?
“Ick. I [gag] loathe [gag] that [gag]. Wow, that’s horrible. Gimme more.“
I bet cat shit is an Acquired Taste.
(Sorry Delicate Reader. Can't asterisk it. Gotta have the full effect.)
In the spirit of "Acquired Taste" you could eat cat shit long enough to convince yourself you like it. Convince your friends. Brag to 'em even.
Play it like you're cat crap qualified; a sommelier of scat, proficient in poop, giving new meaning to the phrase Meow Mix, talking about its "acidity" and "aroma" with acumen.
Malolactic meWOW.
It’d have quite a nose to it.
In the spirit of "Acquired Taste" you could eat cat shit long enough to convince yourself you like it. Convince your friends. Brag to 'em even.
Play it like you're cat crap qualified; a sommelier of scat, proficient in poop, giving new meaning to the phrase Meow Mix, talking about its "acidity" and "aroma" with acumen.
Malolactic meWOW.
It’d have quite a nose to it.
It’d put the terror in terroir. (A term for wine that has a link to geography, as per The Wine Anorak. In the case of the cat kaka connoisseur, "turd terroir" would be dependant on cardboard consumption, the eating of insects, and whether or not said beastie has been snacking on thread, houseplants, or carpeting.)
Petillant poop? If the cat ate Pop Rocks, perhaps.
Tannin? There’s no tannin in poop. Don’t even try, Pretentious Man.
Complex? Indeed. Why does one cat have the diarrhea and the other NOT? They eat the same food for crying out loud.
Fruity bouquet? Never on my watch.
Powerful? [check] Waters my eyes when I’m doing laundry in the basement.
Finish – with a strong breath mint, maybe a stiff drink.
Petillant poop? If the cat ate Pop Rocks, perhaps.
Tannin? There’s no tannin in poop. Don’t even try, Pretentious Man.
Complex? Indeed. Why does one cat have the diarrhea and the other NOT? They eat the same food for crying out loud.
Fruity bouquet? Never on my watch.
Powerful? [check] Waters my eyes when I’m doing laundry in the basement.
Finish – with a strong breath mint, maybe a stiff drink.
You’re sick, litter lover.
I HATE PRETENTIOUS PEOPLE, putting the ass in assuming.
Munch on ::this::, bloated bore...
Ummm, I'm so glad I read this while eating. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteI hate pretentious people, too.
ReplyDeleteOnce we were at a public garden and we overheard a man asking his companion, "monochromatic therefore boring? or monochromatic therefore interesting?" It took everything in me not to say, "monochromatic therefore all the same or mostly the same color, douche."
The picture - did you really think we couldn't work up our own visual? You're a very descriptive writer, you know. The picture was kind of overkill! Yuck!
That was hilarious!
ReplyDeleteThough this is embarrassing to admit, I know for a fact that cat shit can never be an aquired taste. I've worked with animals for 12 years. Things happen. It's gross. Definitely not something I go around telling people, so don't tell anyone ok?
And a strong breath mint and a stiff drink is exactly what I had immediately following the cat shit mishap. The owner of the animal clinic I was working at at the time always had a bottle of whisky on hand. I have never been so glad to have whisky in my life.
Bet you weren't expecting this kind of comment!
Oh my hell. Cat shit on a stick perhaps? Maybe deep fried...everything is better when it's deep fried...right? Maybe not.
ReplyDeleteOnce I almost ate a cat turd. I thought it was a tootsie roll. I didn't eat it thank God.
That picture of poop almost made me ralph.
Maybe I should put that picture on my fridge so I lose weight.
I hate pretentious people. They sound stupid. What's worse is when you hear a pretentious person in a small town. Like where I'm from. I wanna say, "GO JUMP OFF A CLIFF. NOW TRY TO FIGURE THAT ONE OUT. GO AHEAD, I'LL GIVE YOU A SECOND TO PUT YOUR PRETENTIOUS BS SPIN ON IT..."
The most expensive coffee in the world is made from the beans that have been eaten by a civet cat and then shit out. Now there is a job my guidance counselor never told me about. Civet cat shit coffee bean miner.
ReplyDeleteThat being said I love wine, I drink inexpensive wine BUT I WILL NOT drink crappy home made, 3 week old wine. Everyone says "oh I make my own and it is really good". No people it is not good, it is just cheap and that is not good value. And you know what else? When everyone says to you "oh it is good" they are lying.
Now I will go and try to choke down the rest of my cup of coffee.
My buddy Lil' Bob just loves the cat shit cuisine. Preferably on a snatch and run under the bed for maximum enjoyment. He doesn't have access to breath mints and or whiskey so later on when he starts kissing me I can be heard for miles bellowing "AWW YOU"VE BEEN EATING CAT SHIT AGAIN".
ReplyDeleteMy hat is off to Yankee Girl!!!
You had me with the whole what the hell is an acquired taste all about but then you LOST me with the pile of cat shit.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Tammy, I could have done my own visual. Ewwwwww.......
My pedestrian palate and I are going to one day kick the "acquired taste" people in the kaka chute. Along with their long, oh so refined nostrils that they look down. What the H did pretentious man eat? Octupus tentacles?
ReplyDeleteThanks. I had to look up petillant. Now I feel as dumb as cat crap.
A shit, is a shit, is a shit.
ReplyDeleteA shit by any other name is still a shit.
I'm still loving you. Don't know if you are an acquired taste or I'm just a glutton for punishment, but I am now your devoted follower and I can do a testimonial on how my life was changed by Savant.
pretentious people just irritate me...cat feces however, seems to be a delicacy with my dogs.. they LOVE the kitty crap...then they love licking my face right after.
ReplyDeleteKopi luwak...got it. I told you...civet ate my berry brains today.
ReplyDeleteHoly shit (pun intended), how do you come up with this stuff?! As always, thanks for the laugh!
ReplyDeleteare you saying you don't like wine? I'm trying to read between the lines here...
ReplyDeleteI had a co-worker try and convince me she could tell the difference between nacho cheeses at different restaurants around town. You know that gooey crap they put on nachos? Now, that's a whole 'nother kind of pretentious behavior.
ReplyDeleteYou haven't tasted the fruity bouquet on your watch? You'll definitely have to visit. At the end of autumn, when many red plums have fallen to the floor, the result is gritty sweetness with a touch of fruit fly decay, streaked with burgundy flecks, but one has to consider the start of the season. Did it arrive too soon? Local businesses liberally distribute arsenic for the prevention of rodents, and if your cat has devoured any of the latter family, the burgundy flecks could be the result of a more urgent and sinister nature...
ReplyDeletePutting the "ass" in assuming...
ReplyDeleteLove it.
I opened to a picture of caca while sitting here in a very busy Starbucks. So glad turds don't scare me because otherwise I'd have been terrified and embarrassed. Not a good combo for someone who makes "sliders" when she's stressed.
ReplyDeleteThanks for another poopy post.
*I think it’s most often borne of pretense, but it’s some d*mn fine irony that forces Pretentious Man to consume something disgusting in the name of I’m-Better-Than-You*
ReplyDeleteYesssssss!
if you have to go out and "acquire it" - it is waaaay too much trouble for me :D
ReplyDeleteOh, this was so funny. You have a very creative brain. Just stopping over from SITS to say HI.
ReplyDeleteJennifer
so loving the post. so fearing the number of commenters experienced in tasting kitty caca ... wha...????
ReplyDeleteTotally nuts! I loved it! Now I have acquired a taste for it, I have to follow this blog!
ReplyDeleteI left an award for you on my blog!
ReplyDeleteWe call the pretentious ones in our world the hot tan sassies. or is it sassys? Where do they get the idea that a deep orange color is natural? And size 0 jeans with a triple D bra size. I am just ranting about the pretentious people I see. Maybe you were going with a different type of pretentious.
ReplyDeleteI laughed out loud when I was scrolling down reading your post and got to the picture. After I threw up. :)
PreCISEly the reason I have avoided shopping at Trader Joe's all these years. And you know what? I went into one of their stores the other day, and wondered to myself, "What in the H, E, double Hockey Sticks is the big dealyO here?"
ReplyDeleteOh. ew. Conner ate a bite of dog poop once when he was about 2. That WAS on my watch and I felt so awful about that.
ReplyDeleteOther things that are acquired tastes? Broccoli, capers, caviar and pickles.
aww mannnn...don't hold back now. Don't hold back! :)
ReplyDeleteOK. For what it is worth, I have an uncle who is the king of pretentiousness. I would L O V E to see someone convince him that cat scat is where it is at.
ReplyDeleteWouldn't mind seeing him eat some you-know-what instead of just spewing it out of his mouth like usual.
Wow. Can you tell we don't have a great relationship? Sheesh...
ya youre just gross... but i love you and all your grossness.. no one can talk about poop like you... no one!!
ReplyDelete