Things Too Horrible to Write About; Mom’s Bday GiveAway!

I wanted to open with a “Yo mama’s SO dead” joke, but there aren’t any good ones.

I thought I might list “Reasons to Be Okay with Your Mom’s Death”, but all I had was - No more guilt when you forget to send a card.
And that’s not even funny.

I longed for a clever way to open the post, because today would be Mom’s birthday, and she loved the Funny.
Just to be clear; Mom’s dead. Today is the Anniversary of her Birthday.
Last year some SITSta wished her a “Happy Birthday!” Yea, and Other Things Too Late to Say like, “Thank you for not smoking.”

Did you just SAY, "What an a**hole" OUT LOUD, or were you only thinking it?

Seriously, if I move you with tales of our close relationship it’ll cheapen jokes about her skills in a knife fight.
If I describe how much I loved her it’ll cast a pall over cracks about her utter failure to keep a clean house.
If I tell you how much I miss her it’ll diminish tales about her propensity to marry badly. Twice.

And that's some dang good Funny. I'm not giving up the LOL for anecdotes.
Mom wouldn't want that. She'd want Funny.

She would appreciate Housewife Savant.

She’d understand why I’ve got to get out of this backward hillbilly community and why I let Vlad live on our couch.
She’d laugh about my No-Care Daycare.
She’d love my cats. Who doesn't?

If Mom came back this is what she’d say:

“I've been dead 6 years, and I still look better than Robert Pattinson.”
“We're calling the Whole Thing 'vagina' now?"
“I'm hungry – why is there never any food in my house?”
“I can't believe I missed the winter Olympics twice!”
“Who's this 'John Mayer,' and why do people care about his sexual preference?”
“Heaven was great until Brett starting retiring, and all hell broke loose.”
“Cancer-schmancer – smoking soothes me.”
“When did douchey become a word?”
“I haven't been dead – I got TiVo.”
“Barack who?”

In honor of Mom’s If-She-Wasn’t-Dead-Today’d-Be-Her Birthday I got my craft on for a GiveAway.


Here’s how to win. (Ironically it’s also how many of you will lose.)*
Leave a comment - get an entry.
Follow this blog - (and let me know!) get an entry.
Post and link this giveaway on your blog (and let me know!) - get an entry.
Friend me on facebook - get an entry.
*Be sure I can contact you!

Two weeks from today I will be celebrating My Birthday, among the living, overeating and letting Mr. Spoil me for sure.
On March 15th, two winners will be chosen at random.
Winner #1 gets first pick. The second name drawn will get #2.
Even the dregs are delightful when there’s German glass glitter.

Happy Birthday Mom. Wish you weren't dead were here.