Friday, March 19, 2010

You Prob'ly Think This Post is About You

Boogers are gross when the Daycare Kid wipes them on the sofa, possible funniness in post form.

Spit grosses me out. Can you make funny from spit?

Be my guest and fear not; I won’t quit reading your blog over spit.

Pee? Sometimes. When I laugh or cough real hard.
For the Over 40 pee is funny.
Golden gaming? I’ll drop you like a toilet paper breakthrough.

You can post about body hair, ear wax, and nasty diaper episodes.

I don’t fear illness, infection, incisions or injection.

I won’t balk at vivid descriptions of medical procedures. I’m fascinated actually.
I’ll look at pictures. Of. Your. Fissure.
Wanna see my surgery foot?

I think vomit is funny.
Tosh.0 is king.
As one reader said; I have a high threshold for yuk, and Tosh’s early episodes were frakken hil-ar-i-ty for the barf.

Sex? I’ve had it.
In the shower even.
That’s SO 1990’s. Like when I was in my 30’s. And Not Interesting to me. Not at my age.
Statistics say most accidents in the home occur in the bathroom, and I’m nothing if not cautious.

You mention shower sex and I think, “Cleanliness is next to godliness, but for heaven’s sake be careful!”


Bless you dear child. Your friends/readers think you're my Gross Out Girl.

Here it is. You asked for it.
Bloggers I Quit Reading and Why:

I left Carma Sez because of the reference to Eastern practices.

I quit Black Holes & Macrame cuz I didn’t even like astrology in college and I suck at crafts.

Rock ‘n roll is the devil’s music, so I’m through with Blog Rock and Rant Rave Roll. Keep in Touch With Mommakin has numerous references to hell’s harmonies. Fini.

elohssanatahw has a swear right in the title. Hiding it backwards is TOTALLY the devil’s work. Totally.

I dropped Family Trees May Contain Nuts because I fear it’s about men’s private parts, and Shaking the Tree sounds suspiciously naughty, as does Please Try Again. Buh-bye dirty girls.

feedingfamilyoffiveforfifty encourages my gluttony, causing me to sin.

I stopped reading the following blogs because of their references to demon alcohol: Happy Hour...Somewhere, my half-glassed life, Vodka Logic, and Vodkamom . Booze. Right in the monikers. Shame.

In My Mind It's Always Funny? In my mind she’s trouble.

Living In France is a lie! This blogger lives in the States. [gasp]

Read With Girlfriends sounds like a lesbian thing, as does The Daily Pie.

I’ve discovered the following bloggers use varying degrees of Christians swearing: FranticMommy, It's a July Thing, Bliss, and It's a Jungle Out There.
Even Thia Karen and Grandma Nina are guilty of using UNedifying words like "stupid" and "dumb". So I’m gone.

Mrs. Jelly Belly ought to be ashamed for the bacon bra. Sacrilege.

My Rambling Thoughts? Idle minds and all that. I'm gone. For shame. Sayonara.

I can’t encourage Nothing To Worry About when all my religious programming said God was angry. There’s worry aplenty.

positively neurotic me has obvious flaws in her moral character. Obviously.

Sara Spelled Without an H is simply unbiblical. Abraham’s wife boldly kept her H.

Sullivan & Murphy comes from Irish stock. You know what I say about the Irish.

Tampons & Chocolate? Immodesty. Right. There. In. The. Title.

The Domestication of the (Once) Single Girl is living in sin and she may or may not want to kill her future inlaws.

The V Spot? They’re Californians!

Wrestling With Retirement said "whore bath". OMG she said "whore bath"! WHORE BATH!

Wait a sec... Cleanliness IS next to godliness….

36 comments:

  1. From here on out, I swear I'll stick to Southern practices only.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I ache from laughing! Thanks so much for this post! I love you! lol

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm laughing SOOOO hard right now, I can hardly type!!
    Now I will NEVER think of our bookclub the same again. EVER.
    You are so funny! You already know this, but I love you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you for calling Mimi out. It's about TIME somebody got her.

    Thanks for the shout out. What time do you want your lapdance?

    ReplyDelete
  5. "Read With Girlfriends sounds like a lesbian thing, as does The Daily Pie."

    This made me spit when I laughed (and made a booger fly out of my nose and onto my couch) and because I was laughing so hard, it made me pee a little bit.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I AM trouble. My ex boyfriends mom said so many years ago.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'd like to leave a comment but I just don't have time... Eva and I are having a whore bath.... truly.... who knew there was anyone out there that didn't know about this little gem of a time saver????

    ReplyDelete
  8. Boogers, pee, and spit don't scare me (as long as it's mine... cuz everyone else's are just gross)

    Today I mentioned bondage and sacrificial virgins to please the Gods. Does that count as redemption for my sins? (yes, plural. I'm sure there are many)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Gasp...idle minds? Just because...oh look, pretty flowers...I have an...oh, pretty clouds.

    :)

    Fine. I've missed you! How awesome to come back finally and you have me in it :) (Big head)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Damn Drunken Irish!

    Gotta love 'em.....

    ReplyDelete
  11. Won't you join me for a beer? LOL

    ReplyDelete
  12. You had me wondering there until I saw my name and then I knew you was just funnin' us. We know my blog isn't about testicles (except that one post and they really were that big!) (c'mon you know you want to see for yourself) at all but about family insanity of the psychopathic variety which is completely hereditary. I am a professional, I know these things.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Well heck, no wonder you don't read my blog :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm pretty sure they don't offer astrology in college ... and my horoscope for the last twenty years has been. Spot. On. You suck at crafts? Then what was all the German glass glitter crap about anyway? You can't fool me - it was for the new, no-slip, deluxe shower for two. Sure you don't have sex in the shower any more. I. Just. Bet.

    Mwah! Absofrickinlutely brilliant (in a German glass glitter way) post, HS. As usual.

    ReplyDelete
  15. shall i go completely untitled so you'll read me? although being untitled is like going topless... im at a loss you bleached clean babe you..

    ReplyDelete
  16. *singing off key* "Don't you, don't you, don't you" That Housewife Savant, she has the devil washer in her HEADER, and being the devout Luddite, I will no longer follow. She even says it is Extra Large Capacity! Well, here's suds in your eye, kid~!

    ReplyDelete
  17. My rash has flared up. Again. Is yours still hot and nasty-looking?

    ReplyDelete
  18. you are so right...but I don't want to see any pictures


    www.paperflora2.blogspot.com
    http://www.etsy.com/shop/PaperFlora
    http://twitter.com/PaperFlora2

    ReplyDelete
  19. What the hell?? Are you trying to make me look bad? I am indeed a Christian but cant help saying stupid, dumb and even shit on occasion.{mostly while I am reading your heathen blog} But that's why you LOVE me! I am a mystery. But I agree Happy Hour has to be stopped. I am addicted to happy hours now and she is to blame! I will miss you but it wont be for long and my humor will draw you back!

    ReplyDelete
  20. If loving you (and more than a couple of the blogs you mention) is wrong, I don't wanna be right. (and then I make devil horns at you)

    ReplyDelete
  21. I'm so sorry for my "dumb" and "stupid" words. I think I even said "bitch" once. I'll try to be better. It's so hard to live up to your high exectations. Give me a second chance. You won't be sorry. I promise!

    ReplyDelete
  22. I think the V Spot Californians was my favorite.

    Let's face it. We're all gonna burn.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I thought I was cleverly hiding my swearings in cute symbols like a$$ and sh*t. Dang. I've been found out!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Damn, now I'm going to have to quit all these heathens too.

    You are funnier than sex in the shower.

    ReplyDelete
  25. LOL! I think every time I blog about puke, I lose one follower... now I know why! I'll refer to it as blowing chunks in the future.

    I'm going to have to drop each of these people now!!! For a few I'll make an exception...

    ReplyDelete
  26. OMG! I found you through McVal and your post is hysterical! I HAVE to follow you!

    ReplyDelete
  27. I'm a dirty girl, I'm a dirty girl! This is the best news I've had all flippin day! Sex in the shower and bein a dirty girl.

    Woot!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Yes, I hate that Tampons & Chocolate lady, too. Trailer trash right down to the core, I tell ya. She should be ASHAMED of herself...talking about tampons, sex, turds and what not. Sheesh! You should see her recent post! She talked about the DEVIL and even hinted that she was enjoying being eye-fondled by dirty old men at the DMV! What a whore!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Seriously funny!. (Wait...seriously funny? What kind of oxymoronic nonsense is that?) But still...

    ReplyDelete
  30. There was never a night or a problem that could defeat sunrise or hope...................................................

    ReplyDelete
  31. You have my permission to post again.

    Like, NOW.

    Do you require material?

    *Mails self to you*

    ReplyDelete
  32. Ha! I haven't visited in forever and this is the post I show up for? Thought it was ironic...

    ReplyDelete

The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us. -Quentin Crisp

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.